Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
