I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize