We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
