I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
