I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
