Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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