he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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