actually, I'm a sock model
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
