I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
