My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
