the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
where are you?
Hypothermia
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
