Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
