My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
