oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize