Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dignity is for republicans.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
