thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
