So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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