im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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