I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm getting married
To pizza
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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