hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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