Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize