Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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