Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
