The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
