o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
