A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm like, not good at living.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
