so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
