I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
