I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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