He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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