i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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