She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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