pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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