We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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