Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
