She is in my trunk
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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