I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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