remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
