apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
