Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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