I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
