Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
