Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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