He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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