He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize