Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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