Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
