"it" just moved
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
