our cab driver is having phone sex.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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