I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize