I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
