can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
