He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
