I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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