She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
