I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
