Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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