I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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