I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you win again, gameday.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
