Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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