Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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