Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
