if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
