I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
