Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
