Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
