That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
