I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
