Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
