I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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