Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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