I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
