We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
