guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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