yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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