so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
