You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
