i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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