There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
