The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
