I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
false alarm. still invincible.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
