so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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