How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dick very happy bro
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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