She said her name was "party"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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