he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
