How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
