Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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