then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
