Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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