It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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