if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
