I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
