Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
