I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
