laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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